


King Of Memes

by BuckyKingOfMemes



Series: If You Give A Supersoldier Internet Access... [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Fanart, Funny Bucky, Gen, Humor, Swearing?, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:11:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10073540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyKingOfMemes/pseuds/BuckyKingOfMemes
Summary: Tony Stark, chronic insomniac, mildly paranoid, barely escapes with his life after encounters with the world's most terrifying assassin.Or, How Tony Found Out About Bucky’s Blog.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [梗王之王](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270790) by [flymetothemoon16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flymetothemoon16/pseuds/flymetothemoon16)



Tony couldn’t seep. Sometimes he managed a few hours if he was tired enough, so usually he went to the gym and worked out until he was exhausted. Tonight, though, he found the gym already occupied: Barnes, with his hair tied up, working steadily at the heavy bag. Normally Tony would make an awkward comment and leave him to it, but instead he just heads for the opposite side of the gym. After setting up at one of the far treadmills, Tony worked his way to a easy run. Barnes was laying his fists rhythmically into the bag, and the quiet thumping was sort of strangely soothing. Between the running and the thumping, Tony slipped into a near-trancelike state.

 And then Barnes let out an _ungodly_ howl, drew back his left fist, and slammed it straight through the heavy bag with a roar of, _“DIE A THOUSAND BURNING DEATHS!”_

Tony fell off the treadmill, scrambled to his feet, and booked it to the elevator.

* * *

> _kingofmemes posted:_
> 
> _holy shit you guys there was a spider on my punching bag !!! thanks to my many years of combat experience & martial arts training things are okay now_
> 
> _Posted at 4:47 AM, 37294 notes_

* * *

The workshop had finally run out of coffee. Since the shared kitchen was always stocked, Tony took the elevator upstairs and headed down the hall, yawning, before he drew up short.  Barnes was standing in the hall, wrapped in a heavy leather jacket. There were two ominously bulging duffel bags hanging from his fists, filled with god knows what. Barnes heard him coming and turned towards him, glaring up from under his hair. Tony froze.  

“I need,” Barnes growled, “A _hand._ ”  

Tony gulped. He might be Iron Man, but the Winter Soldier had menace down to a science. “Sure,” he squeaked, and got back into the elevator. He’d get some coffee from Bruce’s workshop. Apparently he needed to make Barnes a new arm.

* * *

> _kingofmemes posted:_
> 
> _when i said i need a hand i only meant for you to open my door. but thank you for the new prosthetic arm. its very nice_
> 
> _Posted at 2:45 PM, 24739 notes_

* * *

Barnes was glowering out the living room window when Tony wandered in from his bedroom on Wednesday. His features were scrunched, intensely focused, and Tony immediately worried that there was some sort of threat outside. He went and stood next to the Soldier, leaving a wary few feet between them. After a few moments of looking, Tony asked, “What are you looking at?”

Barnes gave him a loathing side-eye, and jabbed his metal index finger at the glass. “That,” he grunted.

Tony didn’t see anything. “Where?”

Barnes didn’t bother looking at Tony, just pointed more forcefully. “Right there.”

Tony still didn’t see anything. Instead of risking Barnes’ wrath by asking again, he mumbled “oh, that,” and headed down to the server room. He needed to update JARVIS’s long-distance threat algorithms. 

* * *

> _kingofmemes posted:_
> 
> _there is a pigeon nest on the building next to me and somehow the poop falling from it has drawn a big dick on the wall. nature is beautiful_
> 
> _Posted at 4:03 PM, 74927 notes_

* * *

Tony was on the couch, working from a tablet while watching TV on Sunday when Barnes stormed past. His brow was furrowed angrily and there was a suspiciously red liquid splattered across his face and covering his hands. More concerning was a huge chef’s knife covered in the stuff clutched in his metal fist. Tony pressed himself into the sofa and pretended to not exist until Barnes was out of the room. He breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed behind the supersoldier and very carefully avoided thinking about why Barnes was covered in blood. 

* * *

> _kingofmemes posted:_
> 
> _cooking tip: if you cant find a can opener, do not just stab the can open. you will not succeed and there is nothing worse than wasted cherry pie filling_
> 
> _Posted at 2:12 PM, 6730 notes_

* * *

Tony was maybe a little sleep deprived on Wednesday, and also maybe a little concussed from yesterday’s fight, so he could be excused for stumbling into a door frame and then into Barnes, okay? Hopefully. If he’s lucky. Barnes gave him that patented death stare, and reached for Tony with his left hand. Tony lurched back, wide-eyed. Barnes clenched the hand into a grinding fist, plates creaking. The inventor turned and staggered quickly back down the hall. Barnes wouldn’t shoot him in the back, would he?

* * *

> _kingofmemes posted:_
> 
> _have you ever met someone so incapable of taking care of themselves that you have to physically stop yourself from picking them up and bundling them in blankets??? yes i know you are a big strong man but you just walked into a door and said sorry to it without noticing that it had bloodied your nose. this is clearly a cry for help_
> 
> _Posted at 8:26 AM, 36850 notes_

* * *

Barnes was glaring again. Tony was beginning to wonder if he had any other expressions, or if his whole repertoire was ‘mad’ and ‘madder’. It’s not like he had anything more important to think about at the moment; the SHIELD analyst doing the briefing had covered the same material about three times now. What exactly was Barnes glaring at? Maybe it wasn’t Tony. Maybe it was something right behind Tony. Tony moved a little to the side, and Barnes’ cold eyes tracked the movement like a shark. He was definitely glaring at Tony. Oh god. 

* * *

> _kingofmemes posted:_
> 
> _how do some people always have nice looking hair? my hair always looks like i havent showered in 78 years. unfair_
> 
> _Posted at 4:36 PM, 38053 notes_

* * *

Things came to a head on Sunday morning, two months after Barnes moved in. Tony had been down in the workshop, blasting Sabbath and welding together some prototype Quinjet modifications, when Barnes appeared across the workbench from him. Tony startled so badly he dropped the torch and splattered lead all over the bench. Barnes lunged forward and caught the hot end of the torch with his flesh hand, apparently on instinct, because he promptly yelled, “Mother _fucker_!” and dropped it again. The torch spun awkwardly on the ground as the two of them stared at each other.

“You _do realize_ I have a heart condition, right?” Tony blurted. He’d never been good with silences. “I mean, I’m not really sure if you’re gonna murder me or not but scaring me to death is actually a possibility on the table, here, just so you know.”

Barnes made a shocked face. _Look at that! He_ can _do expressions other than mad._  “What? I’m-I’m not tryin’ to scare you to death. And I’m definitely not gonna murder you. Did-did you really think I was–”

“ _YES_.” Tony barked, “Very _yes_. Have you seen your face? Oh my god, you are the most terrifying person I’ve ever met–” Barnes could apparently do a  _‘deeply hurt and might cry_ ’ expression too, “–I mean, no? Of course not?” Oh shit, this was not going well. 

“I’m sorry, my face is just sorta– Nat said it was ‘Resting Bitch Face?’ I don’t mean to, it’s just kinda…like that.” 

Tony snorted. Barnes apparently took that as a rejection of his explanation, because he continued, “I know I can’t–can’t prove that I didn’t mean to, and you have every right to–”

 _“Actually Sirs, if I may,_ ” JARVIS interrupted Barnes’ stumbling,  _“This may shed some light on the situation.”_

As the AI spoke, a red and black website appeared on the holo-display in front of Tony. “What am I looking at here, J?” 

“ _That,_ ” the computer announced, “ _Is Sergeant Barnes’ blog. I’ve flagged posts that are relevant to your interactions and provided contextual notes.”_

“His…blog.”

_“Indeed.”  
_

Barnes started to fidget under Tony’s stare, flinched, and stared at the ground. “My therapist said it was a good idea.”

Tony hummed skeptically in response and began scrolling through posts. After a few minutes, he shoved the window aside and rounded the workbench. 

“You,” he began, prodding one finger int Barnes’ over-muscled chest. Barnes looked terrified. “Are _hilarious_. How have I not noticed this? No, wait, I know how I missed it, tall, dark, and murderous, but how do you contain this much sass? Is it the supersoldier serum? Is it like the Hulk? You’re always sassy?”

Barnes made a constipated face somewhere between relieved and confused. “I…guess? I’m not real good at talkin’, anymore. Writing’s easier.”

“JARVIS, where’s my phone? Subscribe me to that blog. Barnes, get your phone out. You need my number. I’m not sitting through another SHIELD briefing without your commentary. We’re about to become best friends.”

Barnes gave a slow, shy smile.

* * *

> _kingofmemes posted:_
> 
> _@dick-shaped-tower:_
> 
> _i’m glad we’ve cleared things up but if you tell steve that i was the one who changed the elevator music to ‘star spangled man with a plan’ i really will kill you_
> 
> _Posted at 11:35 AM, 792 notes_


	2. Chapter 2

Tony and Bucky are friends now. 


End file.
